Dear Nonprofit Mama

Dear Nonprofit Mama,

Crayola recently unveiled a “Stinky Silly Scents” marker set.  No, I am not kidding! The scents include dirty laundry, moldy sponge and flat tire. Inspired by the current times, I would like to suggest that Crayola add a scent, Mommy Hasn’t Showered or Brushed Her Teeth Today! Let me just say that if you are a client or professional peer, you should be grateful that Zoom doesn’t have an “allow smell” option!  It does however, have a nice little “touch-up” feature which gives you an airbrushed glow, but I digress…

What does this have to do with Brightspot and nonprofits? Not much really, other than I am using this blog post to give a shout out to the mamas who are suddenly juggling homeschooling with a nonprofit career which most likely carries with it a lot of weight to do good for others. I bet this finds you with little, or no time to take care of yourself or to simply, quite literally, take a breath.

Back-in-the-day, I was a perfectionist and goodie-goodie. You know, that annoying fourth-grade overachiever who the teacher could rely on to manage the classroom while she ran to the office to Xerox a lesson plan (hi Mrs. McCann)?! These days however, it feels like the only thing I seem to be perfecting is underachievement.  When I hop on my morning Zoom calls (and afternoon Zoom calls, and early evening Zoom calls...), I will likely have some earrings on and my Zoom touch-up feature enabled but don’t be fooled, I have my high school sweat pants on from 2000 (luckily, the elastic has worn out), I am wearing my late Nana’s tattered slippers, and maybe just maybe, I have showered (if you catch me on a shower day, you should probably buy a lottery ticket).  Oh, and my seven-year-old son is more than likely in the corner playing Minecraft while he should be studying for the 2030 SATs. Side note, I am holding out hope that this pandemic will soon find standardized testing irrelevant but again, I digress…

When our world came to a screeching halt in early March, I was bombarded by social media posts of pretty, color-coded school schedules, Pinterest curriculums, and best practices for getting your work done while homeschooling. Don’t get me wrong, I bought some chart paper and the good-smelling-markers, created a grandiose schedule and I even set my email signature to read “Due to the COVID-19 crisis, I will be homeschooling from 9-12 but will be in the ‘office’ from 12-3. If your message is urgent, please call me on my cell.”  How cute was my naive self? Those were the days…  

Because I work in the nonprofit sector and because 73% of employees in the sector are women, it means that I get to interact with a lot of mamas (woot woot)! It also means however, that these days, many of us mamas are balancing very different work...and school... and meal...and sleep schedules. So if we’re going to make a Zoom call work, one of us will likely have to give-in and plop our child(ren) in front of the television with a bowl of popcorn (which by the way, suffices as breakfast if the call is before 9 AM). The meeting can only commence of course, after agreement to some ridiculous child-crafted bribery necessary to keep youthful souls silent for 30 minutes while you Zoom on the staircase (the only place guaranteed to have a strong Wi-Fi connection). Deep breath! And don’t even think about letting that Zoom call go one minute past the 30-minute agreement because children will raise the bribery ante, ultimately depleting the hidden stash of prizes which is detrimental in the event that said child also loses their tooth that night and forces the Tooth Fairy to leave YOUR final $20 in the shape of an origami swan under their pillow and sets the expectation that the new going rate for teeth is twenty-freaking-dollars. Deep breath! And again, I digress… 

Just days after embarking on this arguably hellish journey of trying to balance work with a knock-off career in teaching, I overcooked the monkey bread I made to bribe my son for one of those Zoom calls. Long story short, the hard-wired fire alarm went off, deploying the local fire department.  In that rather embarrassing, smoke-filled moment with my heart racing, I realized that these schedules and expectations needed to be kicked to the curb and I needed to quickly get comfortable with the uncomfortable reality that work, parenting and homeschooling would have to messily co-exist.   

If you’ve read this much and are waiting for me to unleash some magic tip, STOP NOW because all I have is an abundance of empathy, love and admiration for you.  You are making sure our homeless communities are safe and healthy, you are ensuring the terminally ill can die with dignity, you are keeping spirits high with your creative platforms, you are ensuring animals can still be rescued, you are fighting for the rights of the disenfranchised, you are being a resource for our most vulnerable youth, you are supporting our veterans, and you are keeping our communities informed and educated.  That is pretty damn remarkable. Even more remarkable? You’re finding ways to do this invaluable work amidst a PAN-FREAKING-DEMIC all while parenting AND homeschooling and likely trying to be available to, and supportive of friends and family.  

The state-of-the-world and our lives is overwhelming right now. Allow yourself to feel that, to accept that. A mom friend once gave me modified advice from the Disney movie, Frozen, “You’ve got to Elsa that sh*! (aka, “Let it go, -- Let it go”).  Right now in this COVID-19 world, that means letting go of previous professional and parental expectations and letting go of the guilt. And if you can’t let go, at least recalibrate.  Allow yourself a good ole’ snot cry, and find just one teeny-tiny thing that fuels your soul—a walk to the mailbox, a word search, a 2 minute meditation, maybe a shower (ha!), or even a glass of wine with a pack of goldfish and string cheese (a mother’s charcuterie board…ooh la la). 

I guess my point is that this whole work/life balance “thing” is a little (okay, a lot) clunky right now. During these uncertain times, I suspect that you are being ultra-compassionate with your clients, constituents, stakeholders, and peers. Just be sure you are extending that same compassion to your families and most importantly, yourself. There is no precedent for the world we are living in right now, meaning we must be doing it right, right?! 

And lest you be fooled, I’ll be over here trying to take my own advice.  Sending you good vibes my fellow nonprofit mamas. We’re all in this together.

xxBriana